How to Get Rid of Your Verbal Graffiti Forever!

I’ll never forget coaching Angela Page back in July 2017. She was preparing to give a 15- minute, high stakes board presentation. Her coaching package included a draft of her speech, two revisions and four 90-minute coaching sessions. That’s correct . . . four sessions for a 15- minute presentation. What you don’t know is Angela was “auditioning” for a seat on the board that she was presenting to ― pretty high stakes, I’d say. Her ability to confidently deliver a clear and compelling presentation would be the deciding factor in whether or not she was voted onto the board.

Fast forward to the first of the four coaching sessions. Angela had just finished speaking for 15 minutes and I am giving her feedback based on my observations. After I rambled off a long list of significant opportunities for improvement, I casually said, “Oh yeah, your crutch word is right. I stopped counting at 37.” Angela abruptly stopped me: “Excuse me, 37 times . . . that can’t be right!” 

One of the many skills a great speech coach must have is the ability to thread the needle between his obligation to the truth and his client’s willingness to accept constructive feedback. Let’s not forget, speakers are people first so, as you might imagine, the spectrum for their responses to feedback ranges from quiet acceptance to loud rejection. I could tell by Angela’s tone she was not happy about being accused of spraying verbal graffiti, a misdemeanor in at least 10 states and the District of Columbia.

Spraying verbal graffiti occurs when speakers unintentionally say words such as like, so, right, OK, or um at the end of each of their sentences. Sometimes verbal graffiti is the result of nervousness or habit but the main culprit can be traced back to your conversations. 

Imagine that you are engaged in a conversation and, while you’re speaking, your brain is simultaneously processing your next thought. If your thought is delayed and you plan to keep talking, you’ll have a tendency to say a word such as the above examples to signal to the listener not to interrupt because you’re going to say something else once your thought is fully formed. This happens within a fraction of a second. It sounds something like this:

“I love Dez’s blogs because they are so practical! (Um um) I think I’m going to start sharing them with my entire organization.”

Let’s dissect that statement. The thought that was delayed and could have been interrupted was, “I think I’m going to start sharing them with my entire organization.” Obviously, the delay occurred just before the thought at um um. The reason verbal graffiti is more pronounced when you speak publicly is because there’s no expectation that you will be interrupted; you are in fact the only one speaking. However, you’ve unconsciously brought the habit to the stage because it serves you well in conversations and it’s far less noticeable than 15 seconds of silence while you collect your thoughts.  

No matter what the cause, your verbal graffiti detracts from your presentation and you need to get rid of it as quickly as possible. The fix for erasing it permanently is an easy one. Once you identify your crutch word, police yourself in conversations. Also, ask your family, friends and colleagues to call you out (trust me, they’ll be happy to oblige).  Awareness is half the battle! You’ll be amazed at how quickly you kick the habit; just be careful not to replace one crutch word with another.  

Finally, I could sense by Angela’s tone that verbal graffiti was a hill that she was prepared to die on. Having tried unsuccessfully over the years to convince speakers about their mangled words or nervous ticks, I turned to the ultimate arbiter of truth to coach Angela through her emotion, video.

“Angela, I can tell that you’re not completely convinced that you said the word, “right,” 37 times.” She paused and said, “Right.” After we both laughed hysterically at the fact that she once again demonstrated my point, she watched her video and jokingly refused to stop counting after “right” number nine. “Come on, Angie; we only have 28 more to go!”

Dez Thornton is a communications coach who helps you say the right words in the right way when they matter most! For more information, see www.dezthornton.com.